The loss of a child is often undiscussed; a subject too painful to speak about with others. However, at least for one day a year, the world is invited to have an open conversation about the losses we’ve experienced.
October 15 is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day -- and as we remember our lost angels, I’d like to share our family’s story with you.
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As a NICU nurse working in the San Francisco Bay Area, I was always floored by the beauty and frailty of life. While my profession made me encounter death every day, there was nothing that could’ve prepared me for the loss of my own child.
In 2008, two years after having our first baby boy, the hubby and I were over the moon about being pregnant again. Our business was just beginning to flourish, our first child was happy, healthy and wonderfully chubby -- and now our family was growing -- what more could I have wanted?
But just weeks in, I suffered a devastating miscarriage, followed by a traumatic D&C. I felt emotionally and physically devastated. I cried, wrote letters to my unborn child and tried to grasp the why’s and how’s. The hardest part were the questions I asked myself: What did I do wrong? Is this MY fault?
I’d love to tell you there are tips to help make the pain go away faster -- but there are no shortcuts in grieving. Now that time has passed, I know every tear shed was a step towards healing. For anyone experiencing something similar, I invite you to fully grieve...but have faith that everything happens for a reason. I know it may sound inconceivable or cliche, but you can find light in the darkness.
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On May 5, 2012, we proudly welcomed a healthy, 7.5 lbs, 20-inch baby girl into the world.
When I look at my family now, I count my blessings, and know my family is complete: a loving husband by my side, two wonderful children in each hand, and a little angel who lives in my heart.
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